Heads up DON”T kill mom!

A different kind of post today. This is for my mom. This is for your mom this is for YOU!

READ IT!!!! ALL OF IT

What has a shocking headline like Heads up DON”T kill mom! Got to do with our Network Marketing blog? Well it comes down to dollars and how and what business and government will do to cut cost, and what standards never to apply in your own business. Never let dollars be put in front of what is the right thing to do. And the importance of your character and courage when dealing with sick loved ones.

See when my mom was diagnosed with Lung Cancer, it started a process. After not being able to withstand Western treatment (i.e. radiation and chemo) any further the medical community decided that meant she would die and sent her home to do so.

When a doctor has determined you are dying you become eligible for Hospice.

Several months after that diagnoses my dad put my mom into the Hospice facility even though she was not actively dying, because he could no longer care for her at home. After the fact we found out that Medicare discourages Hospice from other than Comfort Only Care. This means they do not hydrate only offer orally food or water, but sedate them so they cannot ask for it as well as provide morphine for pain. This Comfort Only or Palliative Care, is the most common course taken for those who are actively dying, but my mom was not to that point to go into that type of care. She was not at the end dad just could not take care for her anymore and did not tell any of us kids so we could take her. Instead he talked mom into going. My dad informed us when we had brought him up to speed on what had happened once we knew that he had expected them to hydrate her. But that is not what they do.

My mom even told the nurse I am ready to die because she knew that was what was coming, she had been cared for in the past after surgery on the other side of the Hospice facility which was for rehab and heard the stories on the dying side and made us promise not to ever put her in one. She made dad promise too.

But as I said above we did not find out any of this until they had her so far gone we could not reverse the damage to them letting her origins shut down due to no hydration. My brothers and I believe mom let them take her to spare my dad. To be willing to die for someone you love, go to her death before her time as we do not even know if the holistic supplements and treatment we put her on were working, I cannot imagine her dilemma at my dad’s breaking his promise. See mom fell and broke her wrist and after she fell that was all my dad could take he did not want to bathe and change and clean her up, as now she could not care for herself. And she just wanted to sleep so three days after her accident he talked his wife of 57 years into going to Hospice, and they took her because of her cancer even though it was a broken wrist not cancer that was causing the extra work on dad. She went to her fate like a trooper and did not scream for help nor try and reach out to us to save her. She just accepted this was what was needed to save him. She did not know he had no clue what he was really doing to her. And she did not realize she had other options. She had us. Let your loved ones know that no matter what they will NEVER be a burden, so that if they choose to go to Hospice they had all their options to weigh and it really was their choice. It would not have been my mom’s Hospice scared her, I know that from past personal conversations But, we believe she did not think she had any other choice.

It took 7 long days after they started their process of Terminal Sedation http://www.deathreference.com/Sy-Vi/Symptoms-and-Symptom-Management.html

for mom to die. I promised my brothers and in the memory of my mom, that I would warn everyone NEVER put anyone you love into a Hospice, for Palliative Only Comfort Care. UNLESS they are about to die, are informed and they want to go. And you are aware they are going to be denied hydration and nourishment if they fail to ask for it. But, will be sedated, so they can’t ask. See people ONLY go to Hospice to die. But mom did not just roll over and die even with Terminal Sedation because she was so strong. But they dehydrated her so much, fluid built up on her lungs. They had to give her meds to control that as her organs shut down, we could not save her by the time we knew what was really going on and did our research it was too late. It is too late for my mom. But not yours or you, if one person avoids what my mom went through and what so many moms have went through, see how many if you just do a search online- then her premature death as well as theirs will not be in vain.

My dad convinced himself because his wife was not hungry or did she feel well after she got back from the hospital from breaking her wrist and was strongly medicated for the pain, who just wanted to sleep was in the process of dying of Lung Cancer.

He told me she was a limp noodle on Sunday morning, but also that he had prayed she was gone after the long night they had had Saturday because she would not stay in bed. That she was restless and kept him up walking around the house so he could not get any sleep. But she was not gone that Sunday morning. So after he roused her got her up got a little water and food in her he broke down and cried he could not take it anymore. So he went outside and prayed and called the nurse and after listening to dad the hospice nurse said she needed to go, he talked mom into going but, they did not take her out on a gurney laying down too weak to sit or dying but, instead sitting in her kitchen chair hanging on for dear life so as not to fall off because the steps were too steep to get a gurney up. They took my mom to her dearth on a chair. Does not sound like the end to me.

But my mom so loved my dad she would do this for him, she would die for him, and she would let Hospice kill her for him. And that was my mom. I wish, we all wish we had known when this all started what we learned as we looked into what was going on and why and how this end of life care Comfort Only is ran how Medicare likes to get em in and get em out 6 people came and went (died) in the room next door in the time my mom was there. We would have set up a private nurse or taken her ourselves. Even dad just wanted relief he did not want her Terminally Sedated and starved of fluids and nutrients. He did not read what he signed, or his 76 year old eyes just did not see and he trusted the nurse. Who thought it was time, and wanted to also spare my dad anymore suffering. I am not saying that this is black and white in the decisions Hospice makes. I am saying- you need to be informed and we need to make sure everyone understands what Hospice has come to be in most facilities now.

Most Hospices are WONDERFUL for people about to die to make it easier for them, but my mom was not there and maybe she would not have gotten there. Even the nurse when my mom refused to die quickly told my brother dad pulled the trigger too soon, but they did not know that when she came in though they said she was sharp as a tack and only seemed to be in pain from her broken wrist that was swollen from not being elevated properly. The nurse even told me when I called before I knew about anything about what really goes on in Hospice that mom would be home in a week, but they say a lot of things to stave off out of state family questions I found out later. This particular Hospice got not so, nice as we learned more and asked more questions about us taking her out and was it possible to stop this, reverse the damage? Though some of the nurses were very caring and treated my mom with respect since she was there so long, even though she was sedated and unconscious they would put her hair up and had a lady come to sing for her as hearing remains to the end for most people and they confided in my brother and they talked late into the night with him. So there were nurses and volunteers at Hospice that really felt for my mom and her situation.

What we are going to do is use what happened to mom to educate everyone as to what Hospice really does once you enter their doors they promise that they offer food and water, but only by request, but if you are not actively dying when you enter but do not eat or drink on your own they sedate you so you cannot request anything as you are out cold and they keep you that way. So you do DIE! Usually you do faster than mom did. That once a doctor gives you 6 months to live this triggers the right to enter Hospice, or be put into it ANYTIME by your caregiver. Then once you are in if you refuse food or water for any reason (mom dank a small amount of water but then declined anything else) or are too agitated (mom was not at all) that triggers well it is time and they start the Terminal Sedation on some people (ones that did not come in dying) because they have refused nourishment and hydration like my mom did ONE time, they did not take into account she was hurting from her swollen wrist that and she was alone and scared. Who wants to eat under those circumstances? She wanted to sleep just like she did at home. NOT to die, just to feel better.

How Terminal Sedation works is they use a sedative called Ativan- Lorazepam https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lorazepam that keeps patients unconscious as well as administer pain meds and other meds to keep the lungs clear etc. just NO fluids or nutrients are given as this is not to save a person but assist/facilitate dying.

Hospice Care that comes to the home in the beginning once you sign on will hydrate intravenously and offer maintenance care and family support, and come as needed but, once they have you at their facility you are there to die, no matter what you or your loved ones may be told about they/you will be coming home.

This is mainly because once someone enters a Hospice facility they should be at the end of life, but if they are not, they will be “assisted” in passing anyway. One Hospice nurse told my brother she had seen a guy much like my mom who came in too early for the “families convenience” He like my mom was talking and sitting up when he arrived, he like my mom was sedated and starved of nutrients and hydration. He took 3 weeks to die. What have we come to?

There was a caring loving Hospice where my parent’s live San Diego Hospice http://www.sdhospice.org/ that practiced the old school type of care like Hospice used to stand for and they allowed family to keep up their holistic care, regular meds, feed their people hydrate and offer nutrients intravenously, whatever was wanted or needed they would work with the family and patient’s at the Hospice facility. But Medicare shut it down, too costly for the people flagged as terminal to linger and take up space. The one Hospice nurse we talked about this with once we started our investigation after we found mom was not being hydrated told us that Medicare and private Hospices like to turn the beds around in at max 3 days, but most people go within 24-48 hours once they are started on Terminal Sedation. And Medicare will fine Hospices that either deviate from the prescribed program, or who have patients too long at their facility or like in the case of  San Diego Hospice shut you down! Because people were lasting too long and getting well enough to go home there.

Should you ever have to face this choice, or you want to educate your own children for  your own peace of mind.

Do yourself a favor check these sites out   Hospice Patients Alliance

http://www.hospicepatients.org/hospic1.html

Hard Choice for a Comfortable Death: Sedation http://www.nytimes.com/2009/12/27/health/27sedation.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0

Do your own research know what different Hospices are like and what your loved one or yourself can expect. Never let anyone send you there, make sure it is your choice and you know what those choices could mean. Make sure your loved ones know what will happen to them as well. My mom did not die alone my brother was there, but she did die silently over many days. But her voice will still be heard I made that promise.

Do not let people who think they are doing what is best for the patient AND the family play God. Do not let bottom line dollar signs or the Obama Health Care Bill possible rationing, {no death panels??? Hmm I cannot say but look at Canada, Is terminal sedation slow euthanasia?

 http://www.mercatornet.com/careful/view/9471 and the UK, Hospitals 'letting patients die to save money’http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthnews/9385674/Hospitals-letting-patients-die-to-save-money.html where they have Nationalized Health Care’s Hospice practices WE in the USA are now copying, deprive you or your loved one (even when terminal) the right to live and die naturally and not just comfortably but receive the nourishment and hydration that we all must receive, even as life ends. Not end lives by design. If a healthy person were to undergo this type of “Care” they would die too. NO one should be euthanized without THEIR consent. And all of us have the responsibility to find out the type of care we will be sending our loved one into or going into ourselves, and they must realize what they are agreeing to. My dad failed there don’t you. Our Business and the success we enjoy in life are important aspects to our lives, but your life and that of your loved ones outweighs anything I can ever teach you here.

Know your rights know the laws know what you are not being told and know what you are getting into. Make sure your loved ones facing this know as well TALK to each other. You can always start again with a failed business or change directions in what you want to do with your company but, there is NO do over when you go down this path.

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Take Care
Sandy Metcalf